Tag Archives: Friendship

LOSSES. LESSONS. LIVING.

SUSPECT! 

Be the judge: it is September (clue: Children’s school year begins) and your tablet connives with your phone to both go out of service. Who’d blame your suspecting the witches from your mother’s hamlet for such dis-empowering coincidence?
I hear witches from the mother’s side are usually more sinister.

The up-side however is, the attack drove me back to my hard copy bible. Preaching and (mostly) studying with it have brought back a ravishing joy, a remembrance of former times and a renewed love for ‘writing’, instead of typing. I’ve confirmed again, it is still the case that I get more ‘stuff’, maybe because I think better and clearer, when writing, than I do when typing. I am stuck it seems.

I don’t know how much longer I have to go on like this, but whenever the toys are back, I hope to not let go of this revived discipline. I am realizing how much my creativity has fossilized, in the bid to go ‘all digital’. Now, the decided combo is: study with the toys but write more with a pen, an actual pen, on actual paper.
Maybe not so efficient, but more effective, more productive, more authentically me; for now at least.

Treatise
When I have a handy toy again, I will share from my ongoing study of Acts of the Apostles. It is a book I study every year. This particular episode is unearthing incredible treasures. After 3 weeks, I am yet to go past chapter 1. Officially though, I’m in chapter 5. Something in the first 8 verses of chapter 1 keeps calling me back. God’s Rhema-light seems to be on repeat mode upon those opening 8 verses. Each time the Rhema-light beams on them, new bundles of revelation display fresh colours – in the resplendent beauty of the present light.
O, how life transforming to study under the light of lights!

Nigeria
Differently, I have followed, howbeit with disinterest, the happenings in Kogi state, the state of my parents. My thought in one word: PAIN.
What did kogi do to deserve this torture? Choosing between Audu and Wada is like making a choice between Ogogoro and Sapele water. Tell, what’s the difference?

GMB has not disappointed me. I have no expectations. However, he is yet to surprise me. I am waiting. He made a few good choices in the nomination of the noise makers, but I saw much of it coming. Not a surprise.
Congrats to Ocholi (SAN): Good Nigerian, brilliant man. You make us proud.

Ministry
Hmm, I have somewhat been every where in Nigeria this past quarter. Okay, I was in all 6 Geo-political zones for sure; preaching in an array of settings. The testimony has been the same. The conviction grows stronger: The gospel is true. It is God’s power for salvation. It works. But it works because it is true. It is not true simply because it works.

I am a witness. God still saves, transforms, heals, delivers, energizes, enriches, and more. He is everything He always is! The I AM.
And, the safety I enjoy, sometimes driving 5000 km a month, on Nigeria roads, is phenomenal. God loves me.

The privilege of being a Gospel-bearer is a joy beyond expression!
I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ.
It is God’s saving power.
It is my life!

Friends-Bit
Friends who pray for us: Thank you. God keeps answering.
Friends who support us in practical ways: Thank you. Your support eases our burden.
Friends who just wish us well: Thank you. God recognizes your kind thoughts.

Thank you all for standing with us; even when I’ve been out of circulation on sundry platforms, of late.

Thank you!

#SingingHallelujah

Friendship is not beans!

Some friends are too petty for their own good.

Friend:
You keep malice because a friend didn’t pick or return your calls. You go cold because a friend forgot to use your picture as Profile picture or Dp, on your birthday. I, for instance, forget my own birthday regularly, (I’m now better, with Facebook). You are not happy with a friend because she didn’t show ‘enough’ excitement when ‘it’ happened for you. And so forth…

Please, grow up!
Accept that these things will happen here and there. Accept that they do not define your relationship as friends. If you think they do, it is not friendship; you’re just looking for people to use. It is good to have friends that never miss to pick or return your calls, and friends who mark all the key dates on your calendar, and so on. You may be blessed with a few such friends, but, and don’t get me wrong, these things don’t define friendship. Any (prospective) business associate can do those: keep dates, pick calls, return calls, etc.

Descriptions
Friendship is beyond sheer functionality and utility. Functionality and utility are vital, no doubt, but they are the superstructure, not the foundation, not the bottom-line of friendship. Friendship is in part a deliberate commitment to a person, a commitment sometimes triggered by chemistry or reasoned decision. More, friendship is a chemistry forged and sometimes forced upon our inner beings by forces (of attraction) that are hard to define. It is something like the ‘me’ in me, liking the ‘you’ in you.

Friendship is a connection, first at that inner, deeper level. It then finds expression at the functional level and is envigorated by the externalities of talk, and care, and laughter, and affirmations and gifts and quarrels and sundry such realities. But these externalities do not DEFINE it. They adorn it; yes, they consummate it. But they do not define friendship. Of course, some relationships evolve out of the functionality they offer, maybe due to shared location or vocation or other practical factors. The friends and/or people I happen to call more often are not necessarily my closest friends. It is not as simple as that. Friendship is a bond that is.

If we are friends at the level where it matters most, even if we have been (unavoidably) out of touch for 2 years, we will ‘fit’ — once we meet again. We may be awake till 3 or 4am, updating. It wouldn’t seem odd. Updates will flow from both ends until we are both up to date; then we will go on together from there. A true friend is not the sort of person you want to hold a grudge against for any pronounced length of time, if at all. You kind of adore him. A friend is a burden bearer. A friend sees you as a project that he has to make happen. And he knows you see him as such a project too. That’s why a friend doesn’t dump you because you erred. C’mon!

Generous!
With a friend, you usually will be generous in forgiving, just as you enjoy lavish forgiveness. When issues come up, they are discussed. You may shout at each other and argue, but you’ll do it as friends. Once you’re done shouting, nobody may win. Occasionally, nobody may say a heartfelt sorry. Sorry was not the the main goal anyway. Understanding was. Many times however, one person will see enough to say sorry. Or both parties may apologize for different roles played in the drama. But there is, through all the squabbles, a protected, hallowed  ‘Friends zone’ that the disagreement is not allowed to invade, to ruin. That’s what it means when we say ‘nothing can come between us’.

A friend always enjoys the benefit of the doubt. You make excuses for her. Your first line of reasoning, when she misbehaves usually runs like: “there must be some cogent reason that I don’t yet see, to explain this behaviour. Or, in any case, she may have been mistaken. I know she didn’t set out to offend me”. Your first take is not to assume the worst. That’s not how it works, if it is about a friend. And when you confirm that she was plain silly, you’d forgive, quite naturally, in advance, even before the apologies come.

To paraphrase C.S Lewis — if I remember well enough — a friend will ‘see through your enchantments without being disenchanted’. A friend will know you, but will hold you. A friend will see you, but won’t spill you. You will try to be your best, but a friend will see your flaws. Yet, she won’t floor you. Beautiful as we are, we are imperfect beings too. That’s why we need that relationship that is not defined first by performance and regular appraisals.

I am grateful.

I have friends… A number of them. Not every one my age is so privileged.

I am a friend too.

Are you?